Ahh, the infamous Friendzone. Many have entered, few have escaped. So if you find yourself Ron Weasley-ing away from the person you believe is your true love, my advice is to be honest with Hermione already and either accept the fact that she doesn’t feel the same way or live happily ever after.
If you’re in one of those awkward “I’m friends with a boy/ girl but I want to be more, how do I find out how he/ she feels about me?” relationship, fear not! As someone who has experienced the Friendzone from both ends (i.e. as someone living there myself and as someone forcing a friend-who-wants-more there), I have devised a series of questions you need to ask yourself before taking that final plunge.
You might be Friendzoned: if he/ she is constantly talking about other men/ women.
It’s 2017, most people have realized by now that the jealousy game usually has terrible outcomes, thanks to ’90s sitcoms. If the object of your affection is repeatedly mentioning how hot so-and-so is or how they think so-and-so should ask them out, it’s probably their way of hinting to you that they’re not interested. Unless that so-and-so happens to be you, of course.
It’s a “technique” I’ve actually used before when I became aware of a friend developing feelings that I wasn’t reciprocating. It’s blunting letting them know you’re interested in other people. Most of the time, the friend you develop feelings for will eventually catch on to your feelings, but he or she will almost always continue to play dumb about knowing, especially if they don’t feel the same way. They instead will try and give you subliminal “hints” to let you down gently, hoping the entire time that the friendship the two of you have developed remains the same.
You might be Friendzoned if: physical contact is never or rarely initiated.
Personally, this is always a huge one for me because I’m very uncomfortable with physical contact of any kind. If I do touch someone’s hand or something, it’s almost always because I’m attempting to flirt with them.
Noticing body language is a great way to tell if someone is into you. When they sit beside you, is there a large gap between you two? Do your legs touch? When they’re getting your attention do they tap your shoulder? People naturally move toward what they are attracted to, whether they realize it or not. But hey, if you realize they’re doing it, it probably means you have the go ahead!
You might be Friendzoned if: group hangouts are the norm.
If you’re continuously asking your friend to hang out, maybe even suggesting a date-like setting for some one-on-one time, and you find they he or she makes it a group hangout every time, sorry mate. Not a good sign. Alone time can be uncomfortable when there’s unspoken sexual tension, and the possibility of a group can automatically diffuse that tension. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, but it usually gets the message across.
Signs of flirting, including hinting at dates, will always be rejected no matter how subtly if you’re truly Friendzoned. The person may not say, “No, I don’t want to go out with you” in so many words, but they will find ways around answering you directly when it comes to hanging out alone.
When you should go for it:
It’s not that simple: if someone likes you, they will make it known to you (don’t be that asshole who keep their feelings to themselves permanently, please). If someone is going out of their way to make you happy, whether that means bringing you flowers or driving you to MacDonald’s at 3:00 a.m. because you feel like it, they dig you.
Most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough, when in doubt, I always believe you should ask and be blunt. Pussyfooting around the situation won’t help anyone, and will only lead to misinformation and confusion. I remember being 12 years old and facing my first ever crush (a 13-year old boy I balled ball with at recess, not a word of a lie) and asking him if he liked me, yes or no. That’s actually the exact wording I used, I remember because I was absolutely mortified by my friends teasing me about it afterward for the rest of the day. His response was “sure” by the way.
My point is if I could do it at 12 with terrible social skills and awful friends and survive, so can you. The worst they can say is no, and that won’t be the end of the world. The key is to always prepare yourself for that answer and to accept it in stride if/ when it comes. It happens to everyone sometimes and there’s no need to take offence. Not everyone is going to be your soulmate and you just have to accept that.