Trust Issues

The featured image for this article says it all: I’m not sorry I have issues with trusting, well, everybody. The world is a shitty place, and if you’re one of those lucky (unlucky) few who had to find out about that the hard way, like me, then power to ya. It’s not cynical if it’s being realistic, right?

So why do people have trust issues in the first place?

Because people suck, that’s why. And I’m going to play the gender card here and say a lot of the reasons I have trust issues come out of my sex. Being a girl sucks sometimes, like really fucking sucks. I’d like to say it’s mostly because of this fact and this fact alone that I now carry a knife with me at all times. To be honest, I was sick of walking home alone after midnight and having strange men pull over and ask me straight up if I wanted to go off and have sex with them for money. And I was sick of having men grope me in bars and clubs, even after I screamed at them to stop (side note: on many of these occasions, I was literally dressed in camping clothes because I was away for the summer and didn’t bring anything nice for going out in. So the whole “I was dressed for it and obviously asking for it” thing has just been proven to be bullshit).

So yeah, now I don’t trust strange men, like many 20 year-old girls.

Now that’s totally normal; people are sketchy, and mother’s have always told their kids not to talk to strangers. But having trust issues goes a little bit further than that.

strangers

See, it’s not just strangers I don’t trust. I also have zero trust for any of the people in my friend group. Don’t get me wrong! They’re good people as far as I can tell, but I’ve had several of my close friends screw me over majorly in the past couple of years. Examples:

  • My best friend who lied to my boss over something I never did and almost got me fired
  • My close friend who my boyfriend was two-timing me with
  • My best friend of six years who started spreading rumours about me behind my back and blocked me on all social media when I confronted her about it
  • My best guy friend who never spoke to me again after I “friend-zoned him” (is it even friend-zoning him when he never asked me out?)

Whether I like it or not, I don’t trust my friends now, and even my best friend who I’ve known and loved for seventeen years now has had me keep things from her. It’s not that I don’t love her, I do, it’s that I’m paranoid as hell because I’ve seen good people do terrible things, and I’m still trying to figure out why.

Okay, okay. So I don’t trust my friends and I don’t trust strangers… who else?

everyone

I don’t trust people in law enforcement either. I don’t want to talk about the situation that led me to this, but I will say that I was having trouble and I went to the police in my area and they were of no help. I’m 100% sure they could have done something – anything – to make me feel better, but they didn’t and now I’m still paying the price.

I also don’t trust teachers. If I’m having problems outside the classroom, there’s no way in hell I’d ever let them know that. Why? Because once I thought I could trust a teacher with something personal, thinking there was disclosure between us similar to that of a doctor/ patient relationship. Oops, I was wrong, and my private life was spread pretty quickly.

These have all been personal examples of things that have happened to me that have led me to mistrust the entire world, but the reality is that I’ve never been a trusting person. Why is that do you ask? The answer is the one thing most people have trust issues over: relationships.

gif

How have my relationships gone? You can probably guess…

  • Cheater
  • Abuser
  • Liar
  • Cheater
  • Cheater
  • Two-timer
  • Racist/ sexist/ homophobe
  • Cheater/ liar/ two-timer all in one

Annnnnnd that’s why I hate the idea of being in a serious relationship. I haven’t actually been anyone’s “girlfriend” for a year now, and that’s fine with me. Honestly, If I had to deal with another broken heart I’d probably shoot something.

What does it really mean to have trust issues?

If you ask me, which no one ever does but whatever, I’d say the reason I have trust issues is mostly because I don’t trust myself, and I think if you looked deep down you’d discover that you feel the same way if you have trust issues. I don’t trust my own judge of character because it’s always turned out to be so wrong. The result? I don’t trust myself, so I can’t trust anyone else either.

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