Excerpt From a Letter I’ll Never Write

For Rysburg

I think the problem is that I fell too hard, too fast. I didn’t see the ground rushing up to meet me until long after I was broken.

But the sick part is, it felt okay to be broken by you. Bob Marley once said, “Everyone’s going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for” and man, was he right. It doesn’t matter that people tell you they never want to see you bleed because in the end, they’re the ones holding up the knife and crying over your wounds.

It’s hard for me to remember the exact moment when I realized you were trouble, but rest assured I knew from somewhere around the beginning, so this is as much my fault as it is yours. I knew you were someone I couldn’t rely on, and maybe I knew this the moment I realized how deeply I felt about you. My feelings, whenever they stray towards love, betray me, and the inevitable happens: I break my heart.

Don’t worry about it though, it’s not like there was much of a heart left to be broken. And I know I can pick up the pieces, sew myself back together and try again, but I also know that some of those pieces will be missing when I go to find them.

I just want you to be happy, and if the best thing for you right now is to be happy without me then I’ll gracefully say goodbye. It might be better for all of us involved if we just say goodbye so I won’t be mourning your absence while I’m in your presence.

I’m sorry I had to fall in love with you.

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