Fathers and Liars

Remember the days
when you wrapped your hands
around the globe I kept in my study
and said,
“Look daddy, I’m holding the world”
and I would smile,
take you into my arms
and lying, tell you yes,
you were.
Remember Saturday morning
cartoons and Corn Flakes
and eating burnt toast
on days when I could only
try my hardest
with ghosts of eggs and bacon
you would have preferred,
when I lied through my teeth,
“Mommy will be home soon”,
because it put a smile
back on your face.
Remember the moment
when you realized I hadn’t been
telling the truth
when I promised
not to let go
of the backseat of your bicycle
yet somehow, even without me,
you still managed
to keep your balance.
Remember me cradling your face
after your first day
of high school,
and swearing it would get better,
but I think
even you could hear
the false note in my voice
as waterfalls of emotions
tumbled over you
and you discovered
your dad might not have all the answers.
Remember when I wiped your tears
promising the heartbreak
of your first romance
would all be over soon
and swearing that
the next boy would be kinder, softer,
but you shoved me away,
angrily told me I was wrong,
and we both knew it.
Remember when I told you
how happy I was
that you had fallen in love
with a boy who fit
into all of your broken edges
perfectly,
even though deep down
I knew you were still peddling away from me,
still keeping balance
without me.
Remember yesterday
when I told you,
“The doctor says it’s not malignant”
and try to tell me
that it wasn’t for your own good
when every lie I’ve ever told you
has left my lips.
Remember the days
when you wrapped your hands
around the globe I kept in my study
and said,
“Look daddy, I’m holding the world”
and I would smile,
take you into my arms,
and long to tell you
that you were
my whole world.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s