I’ve seen so many lists like this and I hate all of them (shocker, right?) because they are gender specific. So I’m trying to create a list here that everyone can enjoy and appreciate, regardless of sex.
1. You have different values.
This is kind of vague so let me explain: if you disagree on where you want to eat out for dinner, it’s no big deal. If you’re an incredibly liberal person (AKA everyone on Tumblr) and your partner is not, maybe you should sit down and think if your relationship is worth it. They say opposites attract, but from my experience it just leads to fighting and resentment. If your core values of respect mirror one another, who cares if one of you likes purple and the other likes red?
2. You feel like your partner doesn’t listen.
If your partner is teasing you relentlessly, even after you ask him or her to stop, it’s a clear sign they don’t listen to you, and in turn, don’t care about you. If you find yourself venting at a blank wall expression, you’re going to eventually begin bottling up your feelings, which isn’t healthy.
3. You are no longer attracted to them.
This is an iffy subject. By this I don’t mean you should break up with them based on appearances, but attraction only. If your partner has stopped acting like the person they were when you two started dating and you don’t like this new person, it’s time to go. People change, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to stay with someone in spite of this.
4. You can’t handle their problems anymore.
Woah, woah, woah! Let me explain, please don’t rip my head off! I was once broken up with by a boy who didn’t understand my dysthymia (this was before I was diagnosed), and he told me he couldn’t handle my emotional swings anymore. It hurts knowing that someone “couldn’t handle you”, but it just means he wasn’t the right guy. He wasn’t supposed to be handling me, or feeling like he was. I had friends and family that I had known a lot longer than he who were there to support me. You can’t drink someone else’s poison for them; you can drink it with them, but that won’t solve anything. If your partner has gotten to the point where you feel physically exhausted from trying to please them, you need to get out and focus on yourself.
5. You fight all. The. Time.
If your relationship consists of waiting to be forgiven or to forgive, or if you are just plain worried of breaching certain topics for fear it will set off a fight like a tidal wave, you shouldn’t be with that person. You obviously rub each other the wrong way, and sometimes it’s just not worth it.
6. Your friends tell you to leave.
95% of the time, your friends will notice that you’re miserable in your relationship before you do. That has happened to me in most of my failed relationships. And if my friends didn’t notice, my family did. If they say you’re unhappy, odds are you’re unhappy and you just don’t realize it yet because you’re blinded by your seemingly flawless significant other.
7. You are “dating for a purpose”.
I know of pretty much a million people who’ve done this. It means you’re in a relationship for ulterior motives, whether it be sex or revenge on your ex or proving a point to your family or whatever. Think about why you’re really with someone: do they make you happy?
8. They make everything about money.
If the person you’re with either A) stresses how much you “owe them” for paying for things like dates and presents and vacations etc. or B) they always nag you to buy them the expensive things or to always pay, then you’re dating someone who only values the materialistic parts of your relationship. You should want to pay because you want to pay, and vice versa. Never feel pressured to do something you don’t want to; that being said, if they pay all the time (LADIES I’M LOOKING AT YOU HERE!) maybe you should offer to cover the bill on occasion.
9. They don’t appreciate you.
Remember that this rule is a two-way street. You need to ensure your partner feels appreciated and respected at ALL times in your relationship, even when you’re arguing or having a rough day. But if your partner sits on his or her phone while you’re on a date with him or her, or if they have stopped caring about asking you to hang out, or if they downright are ignoring you in any way shape or form, just go. It isn’t worth it and you deserve better.
10. They abuse you.
This rule is so important. If whomever you’re with has ever punched, kicked, slapped, shoved, hit or otherwise physically harmed you, leave. If they call you names and throw verbal abuse at you like confetti, leave. If they threaten you or anyone/thing that you love, LEAVE.