The Truth About University

So your bags are packed and you’re kissing your mommy and daddy goodbye and poof! Suddenly, you’re here! But here’s what they didn’t tell you when they got your enrolment dollars…

1. Given leniency with attendance is not always a good thing.
“So I’ll skip today’s lecture, who cares? It’s not like they take attendance!” You my friend are a very brave soul. Because guess what; your friends hate saving your sorry ass by giving you their notes, and you’re probably going to fail the midterm and final. Sorry.

2. Your professors will not remember your name.
You’re a number in 95% of your classes for the next four years, get used to it. The plus side to this is that you can have some cool robot name.

3. You’re going to gain the freshman fifteen.
Don’t give in to the temptation of Timmies everyday and fast food joints all over your campus. Just don’t. But even if you don’t, somehow you’re still going to gain weight. I dunno man, college.

4. You will hate your roommate.
If you can’t choose who you live with, the universe does this terrible thing where it puts two people who hate each other in the same room. Like you guys will want to kill each other.

5. Money is always an issue.
Even if you get a job (which you shouldn’t do, you’ll be way too fucking busy) you’re going to constantly be thinking about money. Should you go to the movies every night? No, but every once and a while on cheap night is fine… So long as you stay away from the snack bar (see #3).

6. Busses are your new best friend.
Don’t you dare, no matter how drunk you get, ever ever EVER lose your damn bus pass. That thing is your new lifeline. Also: if you are on a bus and there is an empty seat, SIT ON IT. I don’t care who you’re sitting beside, Jesus Christ stop being a baby and sit.

7. Say bye to your hobbies.
Oh you liked drawing in high school? TOO BAD. At university, your spare time is spent studying. And drinking. Or both, at the same time (#win).

8. You will never want to take off your pyjamas.
It’s okay though, your classmates won’t judge. They’ll be in PJs too.

9. For finals, you don’t even have time to breathe.
No, I’m not kidding. You have no time to eat, sleep or breathe. Just study, don’t even blink. Trust me, I’m a scientist.

10. You will meet the best people.
Let’s end this list on a happy note; you will meet some of the greatest people in the world at university. They will comfort you, laugh with you and make fun of you, and they will be your best friends forever. And that sounds cheesy but so does pizza, and that’s okay with me.

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