How to Tinder – Boy Edition

I’ve seen a lot of parodies men have done of girls’ Tinder photos, so I just wanted to even the score a bit by saying this: there are some Tinder faux pas on guys’ parts also. Big ones.

I just got Tinder (today) and I have probably only swiped right about zero times. Why? Well (and I’m sure this can be said for most ladies using Tinder) I have set some rules as to who I am going to “swipe right” for.

I will not swipe right if:

– You have a photo of yourself surrounded by girls. It’s not impressive, it’s just kinda like you’re trying to prove something.

– You have no photo of just you. Which one ARE you in that group of friends??

– All of your pictures are with a cat. Just because I hate cats.

– Your description (or whatever it’s called) contains the words YOLO, swag or a hashtag.

– You’re doing the stereotypical confused expression guys usually do (see Jaden Smith for reference) in all of your pictures. You hate duck faces, right? Well this is the male equivalent.

– Your main picture is a mirror selfie.

– You have any pictures of your abs. Or muscles. Just stop.

– You have a bunch of weed pictures. Wow, you’re so cool, you smoke pot like 98% of North America. Good on ya mate but no one gives a fuck.

– I see a typo on your page anywhere. But that’s because I’m a grammar nerd.

– You are biting your lip.

– You’re half naked and clearly begging for sex.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here’s what not to do when MESSAGING a girl on Tinder:

– Ask to play the question game. What are you, twelve?

– Ask to see my boobs.

– Ask for any pictures in general.

– Ask me to suck your dick.

Note: If a girl shows any interest in a hook up, she will make it well-known to you and then the above rules can be broken. But I mean realistically, she probs just wants to flirt and look at cute guys.

Bonus round: I will almost always swipe right if:

– You have a dog in one of your pictures.

– You have long hair.

– You are Johnny Depp.


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