Violent Prayer

I think I loved you
Somewhere between the spot on my wrists
Where violet bruises bloomed
Like sunflowers and false hope
And between the places of my fingers
Where yours always seemed to be missing.

I think I loved you
Before the sun would burst past the horizon
To greet us, lovers of the night,
And always after the sun
Bade us farewell before stepping back,
Allowing us to face into the darkness
Like our shadows.

I think I loved you
When you would lie there with me
Between memories of paradise and forget-me-nots,
And with every ounce of my being I remember thinking:
“I think I love you”
Over and over
Until the sound rushed to my ears
Like a heartbeat.

I think I loved you
When you said my name softly like a promise
Or hard like a violent prayer
Or tangled up with the sound of her name.

I think I loved you
But I do not delude myself into believing
You ever loved me.

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