Ranting About “Soulmates”

I read once that a soulmate is not always the person you end up with. They are not the person you love the most or are the happiest with; they are the person who makes you feel the most.

I didn’t understand that for a long time, but once I did I kinda wished I could forget that stupid little saying.

Everyone has that one person though, right? Someone who comes into your life and you think that they are perfect. You fall head over heels in love way too soon, despite your better judgement. It inevitably leads to distress and eventually heartbreak and seven empty Ben & Jerry’s cookies ‘n’ cream tubs. It leads to you crying on your way to work while a sappy Taylor Swift song plays on your car radio. It leads to nights you got black out drunk and debated calling him or her, just because you no longer gave a shit.

It leads to a new life, either for better or worse, every single damn time.

A soulmate makes you feel the most. That doesn’t mean they make you feel the highest, but also the lowest. It means that even when you can see the obvious flaws written all over their face like a tattoo, you can’t bring yourself to care.

Does it feel electric? I don’t know. Do you get butterflies? I guess. But one thing remains the same, regardless of who your alleged soulmate is: they will always hurt you. It will always hurt to love someone more than you love yourself because it’s the same as saying, “I don’t care what happens to me as long as they are happy”.

Maybe you’re that person’s soulmate too and you both grow old together and love each other unconditionally. But that only means you’re both inevitably going to hurt each other also, even if unintentional and slight.

(I think this is the reason why everyone loves “The Notebook” so damn much. It shows both sides to a soulmate-ship, the highs and the lows. It shows that love is something you have to work at.)

But in most cases, you aren’t your soulmate’s soulmate. Does that make sense?

Most of the time, your soulmate will come into your life as a whirlwind and time will slip from your fingers and leave you feeling like you’re floating. And when they leave, your buoyancy vanishes with them and you drown in your own heartbreak.

This was never meant to be a depressing article and let me tell you why: I don’t believe we are meant to be with our soulmates, at least not the soulmates I have described. I don’t want to be with someone who makes me feel so incredibly happy only to tear me down when I’m at my lowest also. I want to be with someone I’m happy with all/ most of the time.

I’ve done the whole “makes you feel good and bad at the same time thing” for two years and looking back, it was poisonous. I was addicted to the highs and I didn’t care what the lows did to me physically and emotionally.

I’d rather be perfectly content all the time than insanely and blissfully happy only on rare occasions and miserable the rest of the time. Does THAT makes sense?

But truth be told, I don’t believe there’s “one person in this world for everyone”. I really don’t. It’s not that I’m a cynic, it’s just that I don’t believe in destiny and fate and all that jazz. If you’re with someone and you’re happy and it’s at that time in your life when your friends are all getting married and you want to settle down, odds are you two are ending up together. Granted, there are rare exceptions to this theory but whatever.

Man, I’m getting off track again. My point is this: you don’t need a soulmate to find your true love. You can be happy without feeling torn about it.

When that “one person” comes into your life and changes the way you see things forever, it’s going to be a blessing, even if it is in disguise. You are going to learn so much from that person and from your feelings about them. You’re going to learn that you can overcome anything.

I think we all have that one person. I found mine at a really young age (thank God that’s out of the way) but some people might not find them until they’re in their nineties. Just remember that feeling the most does not always mean feeling the happiest. But if it does, you’re a very, very lucky person.

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