Fictitious (or not) rant:

I found the rock you gave me today, the one i picked up out of the lake water because of it’s vibrancy. I handed it to you and watched you caress it with your fingers, drying it. “It’s pretty, you said and handed it back to me. 

I was wading barefoot in the lake, not caring how wet the bottoms of my jeans became. I was puzzled by the way you couldn’t make eye contact with me the way you had at the beginning of the summer. I was terrified of what would happen when I reminded you I was leaving the next day.

I held the rock in my hands a while longer. It’s form was that of a misshapen heart and I kind of know how it must have felt. I reeled back my arm and was about to throw the stone as hard as I could when you stopped me. “Don’t,” you said. “We may be the only two people in the world to have ever touched that rock. It seems kind of special, doesn’t it?”

I paused with my hand hanging in the air, poised. I decided to keep it forever then and there.

I found it in my old jewellery box today sitting in a nest of tangled necklaces and mismatched earrings. I was about to throw it out my window when I paused the exact same way I had so many months before with my arm high above my head. This stone is all I have left of you. If I leave it just anywhere, someone else could pick it up or kick it with their shoe and the magic of sharing one tiny piece of myself with you would be gone forever.

So I put the stone down and there it sits on my lap as I write this. No doubt you have forgotten all about that day we spent at the lake and the way I almost threw away the heart-shaped stone. But while you sit at home celebrating her birthday, I can’t help but wonder if maybe you remember the words you said after I put the stone in my jeans pocket and smiled at you. 

“Don’t go”. 

Maybe if you had said those words sooner, everything would have been different. But this is how it is and while I know that one day I’m going to have to throw that old, worthless rock away for good, I think that for now, I’ll hold onto it a little bit longer. 


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